I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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