She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
