So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
