No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
