3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
birth control should be required to get into college
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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