i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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