Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
