pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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