This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
