I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
