I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
