The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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