every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
