this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
