Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
