I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
