Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
