I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
