I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
