Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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