I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Damn victory sex feels great
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
