You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
