my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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