He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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