Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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