rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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