His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
