This girl is more easily done than said...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
