It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
