I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
