I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
