I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
