there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
