I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
