So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
