Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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