found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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