considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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