im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
