your parents love me but you hate me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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