Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
