How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
