I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
