So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
