The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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