Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
