I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
