WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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