Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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