I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
