Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
