That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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