wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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