My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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