your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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