now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
