i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
